My dear children,
Oh, this is new to me, this using technology to reflect who I am. But this is not new: my love for our children. Even now, it is tempting to fall into the norm of saying "my children", but I determined when I married to always acknowledge that our sons and daughters would never be solely mine, that your dad shared just as much in your creation as I did and so I would forever keep in mind I did not possess you.
Now. What is the purpose of this blog? Only to keep up with you--hopefully. I know that you older ones (the only ones to whom this blog is available) have flown the nest, embarking on lives of your own. I must admit I look on your soaring with sincere adventure for you and profound grief for me. It is not that I don't wish for you all good things; it is that our relationship, the one I share individually with each one of you, forever changed when you fluttered your wings. True, that is good in some ways. But, as your mother, I so very much enjoyed the days when your chubby faces looked into mine--the one with early morning sleepiness, no make-up, framed by mussed-up locks--and you smiled with not a care in the world what I looked like. You trusted me entirely and, oh, did we share good times. When the work was hard--and it was hard--I would look at you and know all my efforts were worthwhile because you were worthwhile. Looking at you, I stared eternity in the face, seeing my own lineage in flesh and blood, pondering with revelational awe that through you, Dad and I would live on.
Now, you go and fly off. Doggone you. I had so hoped that as you grew, our relationship would flux with the times. Sometimes it did. Often it didn't. And now, regretfully for me, I must wait for you. You, in growing up, have rightfully formed relationships outside the family circle, outside of even my knowledge. I am glad for you. (I have friends, too, you know.)
But I wait for you. Always, I wait for you. This time in history is tornadoed with an incredible pace and cultural expectations I do not like. I don't like them at all. Even at my age, with all my experience in living, I simply cannot keep up. And, really, I don't want to.
Instead, I want to know you, and I want to know you well. Relationships take time and effort--a regular meeting in some way. Your lives are scheduled somewhat, with your own pursuits. So is mine. But I miss you desperately. And I miss seeing who you have become.
So, I invite you to be with me via this blog. Truly, I do extend an invitation. I know you may not RSVP. But I do have "thoughts I think toward you" and writing may come easier than talking.
I love you.
Momma
3 comments:
Good idea, Mom, for a blog. I am continually surprised how technological you keep getting!
Mom!
I LOVE IT!! This is a great idea.
Thank you.
(I tell my friends you are so pro at texting and using the internet and they are always super impressed.)
But in all seriousness, I appreciate so much the fact that you are keeping in touch. It really is hard to stay in contact, to establish and maintain relationships. You are right. When i saw your blog I thought I would answer you in a nice long heartfelt email that only you would see. But I probably will not get around to it and end up not saying anything at all. So I will blog back to you. This way the sisters can see what I am doing as well.
A short update on Hannah's Comings and Goings:
This morning was freezing. It has been raining the past few days and the wind is picking up. I forgot how cold it gets here. The moisture in the air makes the wind chilly. But the skies are crystal clear and bright. I sound so corny, but I love the skies. I miss Lancaster sunsets. They are not quite as brilliant here. Last night we turned on the heater for the first time and the smell combined with creaky wood floors made me think of the riverside(?) house, and putting socks to warm on the floor heater. I told Gaby that and then realized that comment made me sound like I was 90 years old and reminiscing back to the "good old days." Ha.
School is going well. Busy as always. This quarter I am working on a few different larger projects. I just got out of a team meeting this morning with two other students from my New Media class. The entire class is forming an exhibit of booths or displays that somehow talk about democracy. Each booth will represent an hour of the day and the total exhibit will be called Democracy 24. Our group is planning (our ideas keep changing) to make a voting booth with a video display inside. The video will be called "Preamble Remix." It will feature someone speaking a modern re-wording of the Preamble. This is to show that democracy is not a finished deal. It is an ongoing process with lots of revisions. You might have some good input on this Mom as rewriting is such an important part of your job. Outside the booth we will have some sort of display where visitors will be able to rewrite the Preamble themselves. This way they hear about our concept and then are able to interact and take action. The teacher is very esoteric so the more layered meanings we can pull from this the better.
I don't want to bore you with the details anyone, so just ask if you are interested more in one subject. I tend to just give an outline of what I am doing.
I voted yesterday. That was exciting. There has been so much involvement in this election it's amazing. Campus has had signs and speakers and forums everywhere the past few months. At Farmer's Market each week, there have been picketers scattered throughout the street, some having very intense (and loud) discussions/arguments. It is neat to see this many people get involved. We talked alot in our New Media class about the lack of involvement in the past and how to get people more aware or at least more motivated to be participate in democracy.
The above is my neutral comment on politics at the time.
Mural work is going well also. I met with the engineering students last week and then presented my idea to the engineering faculty yesterday. I was so so nervous. The good part was I was not presenting for the purpose of any decision, it was more a press conference or an informative session. This was they know I exist and what I am working toward. I am meeting with my art teacher today to refine my ideas a bit more. I wonder if i can post pictures here? I can put up my mural idea for you to see. That would be exciting.
How are you? Are you writing? Gaby and I watched a movie last night called "Under the Tuscan Sun". It was about a woman who went to Italy and wrote her life story. She is the narrator throughout and you realize at the end she has been writing her story. I thought of you.
Also, speaking of writing tidbits that occur in my life and remind me of you..Kaitlin (for those of you who do not know, Kaitlin and Gaby are my roommates) is thinking of studying English. She wants to go into editorial work. She has a great eye for correcting details, editing papers, etc. She works as an English tutor now. I thought I might direct her towards you if she has any questions about writing.
And be sure to tell Luke Gaby is great at Spanish and is more than willing to help with any Spanish homework questions he might have.
Let's see what else..Oh, I got my new phone in the mail, Mom and Dad. This is great because my old phone was being held together with duct tape and would not hold a charge for very long. Tell Dad thanks for checking in with me about that.
I think that's all for now, write me about whats happening with the family, I love to know little updates and my roommates love it too.
I love you Mom. I am thankful for you and wish you were here.
Love and toodles,
Hannah
ps. Gaby and I are going to make a special dinner on Friday just for us because we like to eat and cook. Or cook and eat rather. We are thinking salmon pasta. I am excited.
wow Mommy, good job.
Things here are going pretty well.
The life of a college student is actually pretty awesome. I am sore from my workout today, I am at the highest phase and am doing abs too. Today, I actually helped another girl work out too!
I havent gotten the call back from Home Depot yet but my drug test and background check went ok I think.
School is alright, not utterly amazing but not horrible either.
I am really sad I cant come home for thanksgiving, but I will be home for sure at Christmas! Keep me updated on how the family is doing. Miss and Love you Mommy!
-Kara
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